Unmotivated

I seem to have lost my drive. I have a million things that I need to do, but I have no desire to do them. I feel like life has sucked the life out of me. I am fortunate. I do have a good job, good children and a reasonable intellectual capacity. But, happiness, motivation and contentment seem to elude me.

FUNK!

I am currently experiencing a funk! I took a job in the ER working nights last May. I work three nights on and have four nights off. I thought this would be perfect considering the fact that I am a single mother. But, now I am wondering if I made the right decision. The ER is not quite what I thought it would be. It's more like a clinic with very minimal emergencies. I feel like I am limited by my circumstances. I feel very hopeless and helpless. I want to work on myself and my circumstances. But, I feel to exhausted to do so. I am craving for physical and emotional intimacy. But it seems to be eluding me. I want to have an intentional life, but unsure where to start.

Deadbeat Dad

My ex came over this evening under the guise that he was going to mow and clean up my lawn. It's obvious by now (several hours have gone by) that it is simply not going to happen. I refuse to let him in the house. Although he never lived here, he thinks he is entitled and owns this family. Nevermind the fact that he has never paid court ordered child support of $426.00 a month. In fact, the scumball lives with his parents and blows his entire paycheck on himself. He does not pay for rent, food, or utilities. In fact when I asked him to give me $75.00 per week, he said, "Man, how am I suppose to live! I am trying to make a living for myself."

I am the type of mother that I never say anything negative about their father when the children are around. But when he speaks with them he is constantly trying to stir up crap! It is getting harder and harder for me to hold my tongue. Heaven help me continue to tolerate this ignoramous!